Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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