I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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