I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
jump out the window naked night went bad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
