Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
