Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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