well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
