Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize