Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
