1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
