It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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