Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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