god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
