Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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