a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
