Sry I called you an 8
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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