My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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