i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
