He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
