I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
