I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
