listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
