my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
