Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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