that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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