Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
