he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
I am one with the molecules
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?