Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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