She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
