Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
