So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
