Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
