Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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