can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They have beer where we have blood.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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