I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
