I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
