God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
