Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize