She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize