dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
