it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
