Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
