I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
