His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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