Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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