nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize