I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
