My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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