I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Are we still banned from the library?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
