Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dignity is for republicans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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