I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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