I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
