found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
