just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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