apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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