Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
