Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
