My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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