apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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