There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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