just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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