i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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