Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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