Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize