Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
