some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
