Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
