College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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